Everything changes…hopefully.

I don’t know what it is, but there’s just something about haircuts that makes me feel like it’s a new beginning to something.

I know that much sound completely retarded coming from me – as does most of the babble that manages to escape the confinements of my brain and ends up on paper, the Interwebs, or even accomplishes the feat of transforming into word vomit – but I dunno, right now it feels right.

I just found out my grade for the last class I was waiting on, Radio Industry. It was only a B, and despite it knocked down my GPA a bit, it’s still good enough for me to get Dean’s List. Which I have gotten before, but a couple of not-so-good grades knocked me down quite a bit last semester. >.<

Though of course, considering the situation many of my friends are in, I feel horrible bragging about it. A few friends are on probation, a couple are really worrying about it, some haven’t even received all of their grades yet – three weeks after finals began, even! -, and one isn’t even returning next semester due to his abysmal grades (and he will be dearly missed). So I’d feel like shit bringing that up, even though it made me really happy.

But then again, the few who won’t glare at me for bringing up something as taboo as grades will only comment that I have an easy schedule and easy majors, so that’s why I got such good grades. *Sigh*

On the other hand, compared to some of the band geeks’ GPA’s, I’m doing shit. Some of them have yet to get a B+. Bloody insane.

Back to the haircut. I don’t get one very often, mostly due to laziness, but when I do I love it. I love it when my hairdresser washes my hair and uses her long fingernails to scratch my head in a way I couldn’t manage even if I grew my nails long. And the visual of snipping away the bad parts and watching those pieces fall to the ground, only to be swept away.

Well, mostly the head scratching. But the latter bit just came to me today when I walked out of the salon with a purpose in mind; even though that was the same-old, same-old, I felt more alive.

I really want to start doing more things for me. Not in a selfish way, per sé, but in a “I need to take better care of myself” way. I’ve really gone too long being completely selfless, and not only have I gotten completely fucked over time and time again, it’s just getting old.

Not that I’ll stop helping the people that I love. I’ll just be a tad more selective about it. And I hope to stop putting up with people’s bullshit. I dunno, I guess you can say that’s a New Year’s resolution, of sorts.

Well, I’ve two more weeks of break. I’ve got to live it up somehow.

I’m trapped and I am enclosed.

So I was in the midst of watching Pride and Prejudice tonight (the Keira Knightley version) on my laptop tonight when, for whatever reason, I paused and minimized the movie and stared at my wallpaper. It was somebody holding up a card, almost PostSecret style. I downloaded it a bit ago when I was on a real StumbleUpon craze, and it said the following:

“I live in the clouds. Reality is not for me. People say I should come down. That the clouds are not a place for grownups to be. I smile at them. Maybe one day, I say maybe one day I will come down. But I never will. Reality is not for me. I shall stay up here. The view is quite breathtaking.”

I’m not exactly sure who said that quote, nor do I really care to look it up right now. But it hit me, right in the middle of my feel-good movie, that this is me. At least during breaks.

I’m in my own little world full of TV shows, podcasts, and movies. I suppose this is my idea and way of shutting myself off from the world, the world my college friends have full of deceit and backstabbery and bitchiness.

That isn’t to say that I’m neglecting my friends. I speak to two of them practically every night – one for hours at a time. Has almost become a routine of sorts.

I just need to watch myself to make sure I don’t become to attached to routine.

Snow. =)

Ah, snow. What a beautiful thing.

Yeah, so here’s one of the biggest blizzards/snowstorms in my lifetime, and as the exhausted college student that I am, I spent most of it lazying around. And sleeping.

My God, I’ve slept a shitload since I’ve been home. I really need to get my sleep cycle back on track. Of course, I’ve been saying that for a really long time, ever since last winter break when I’d stay up until three, four o’clock in the morning Skyping with John and Steph and Lindsey and Jon. Oh, I miss those days, but I know that things will never be like that.

Although, quite personally, I am most certainly quite thrilled that I don’t have anyone to love that I miss quite terribly. Well, to clarify, when I say love I mean “romantic love.” I have no significant other to mope over, and although the situation itself may suck, I can fully live my winter break freely and without worry or care about anyone else.

But also, it marks the beginning of “This sucks! I hate being home!” statuses on Facebook. Honestly, the only thing that sucks for me right now that when I wanted to go outside to take pictures of the snow and just stand there and partake in the beauty – like I have with many other events over the past few months that I’ve accepted my gaga take of nature – my mom, who was sleeping on the couch, went to yell at me.

*Sigh*

The freedom to go out and just walk around, not worrying about a thing – save, you know, that whole bit about being a girl out on the campus alone at night (especially on a party night). Sometimes I really hate being a girl; I hate the double-standard. Like, I really can’t wait for a night where I can go to a sleepover soon and the friend’s parents are chill enough to let us do that; or just ones that are really heavy sleepers is fine for me.

Ah yes…snow. Despite being a way-too-cold-all-the-time freak, I love it. It’s so beautiful, and from what little while I was conscious today, it sounded like New Jersey was turning into an old-fashioned winter wonderland (at least, according to 6 ABC news).

I really can’t wait to head out for a walk tomorrow with a PotterCast (or Christmas music, courtesy of Trans-Siberian Orchestra or Vince Guaraldi). I just think that, while I will be most likely freezing my nonexistent male genitalia off it will help me in the long run. I’ve noticed that periods of being mostly cut off from everyone do help me in the long run.