I’m coming to the end of a very odd semester.
No, truly it is. Yes, I had my share of firsts last year, back when I was younger and naïve, but now as I look back, I’ve done so much more. Well, not things I regret – you should never live with regrets – but probably some things I may not be the most proud of.
I need a revamp of myself.
I mostly got the idea for this from looking back at the notes written by a good friend of mine (who, sadly, is graduating this semester) for a different note on Facebook. I suppose it’s a good thing to reflect. -shrugs-
I always seemed to know so much more when I was an innocent onlooker. Example: My advice to Jon over the summer in the midst of a broken heart. Despite anything that went on in my head at the time I gave him my two-cents as a dear friend. I ended up giving that same advice to another friend about six months later, and then I realized something.
I need to follow my own advice more. I’m not the most moronic person in the universe. My naïve self knew things back in the day, back when I could really claim innocence.
I wish things were back to the way they were this time last year, but I know that will never happen. My college family hates each other too much for that to happen. Like, we couldn’t even have Christmas dinner the other night without rawr-rawr tension.
…Maybe it’s time to search for a new family, of sorts. But seriously, this sums up how my friends are to each other: True life.
I know that many people – including myself – have issues with seeing these depressive-esque entries. I try to, but all I can do right now is give a sad smile. I need this vacation to reexamine myself, a cleansing of sorts, and so I can come out of break a better person. Or at least one that I don’t cringe at upon recalling past nights. >.<
Ah, to finals week. Fun shit right here. FML.
PS. Every time I’ve said this to one of my friends he thinks I’m insane (I only specified because I’ve only told guys so far). I don’t want any contact, of sorts, with anyone for awhile. Believe me, I have my reasons. I really do. And despite the whole cliché of “Oh, nobody understands me!” bullshit that everyone with a Twitter/Facebook/blog bemoans, they don’t get it.
I absolutely hate that.
But really, all I’ll need over break – hopefully – is some nice solitude. I could really go for that. Not to mention the tranquility, lack of drama – save, probably, New Year’s – and lack of boys to fuck around with my head. Yes, that’s perfect.
